Mittwoch, 12. August 2009


Bri sagt, heute bin ich volljährig!
So much ideas, emotions and feelings have encompassed me lately and I do not think that they all have anything to do with my birthday or age. It all started when I remembered that our first house was a blue house, too and I went searching for old photographs to sort and send to Drachenfänger and that was enhanced this morning by a song from Queen in the radio: Its magic. That song always reminds me of my children in their formative years. And all of this lets me go back and feel! Feel who I was, my children, my partner and how we were formed throughout life.
Drachenfänger goes Asia again and memory lets me feel how we were at THAT time with Kugelfisch and Schildkrötenhals - how we all changed - individually and as a group - since even such a relatively short time - or did we?
Yes of course we did. How many different aspects of ourselfes did we live in our lifes, aspects we did not even know we encumbered. How many lifes did we live in one lifetime?
But the more important question is: how many aspects did we lose in the process due to certain circumstances - aspects we put way back in our mind because they did not seem to serve a purpose at the time, because it hurt or produced a sad or a severely fearful memory. Except those memories are part of us and are a missing link. I finally understand now why those aspects must be saved and again integrated to make me whole. Everytime I feel not loved, misundeerstood, alone - that is the time to look for the missing aspects and feel them again in order to heal and release the negative (because there is really no negative) and integrate once more to be I AM THAT I AM!

Montag, 20. Juli 2009

Vacation Experience

Hi, Bri here

I thought that it is about time that I woke up from my jetlag and give you my inpressions of our completely new type of vacation.

After arriving in Frankfurt the day before our flight to D.C. (we wanted to do the Vorabend check in), We found out that United does not do that sort of thing. We went back to our hotel with luggage to get a good nights sleep. The check in the next morning was okay exept we had to wait to find out where we would sit. We did get seats that were comfortable because we had leg room and the flight was uneventful. On arrival we got our rental car, set up our TOMTOM and drove to our hotel, found a deli and ate real hot Pastami sandwiches.

Day2: waited for the arrival of Lynn, Pete, and Jason. Had beakfast with them at IHOPS and wanted to meet them in D.C. . Since that failed we set out to buy an umbrella and see the city on our own.

Day3: Took a slow drive down to Virginia Beach, Thanks to my TOMTOM which gave us the best route to take. Found the blue house with no problem. Then the world turned around. Geetings as usual. I was handed a piece of paper (a verse from the bibel). I had to read it at the ceremony, Okay; I studied it and read it several times. I was ready. Arrival of L,P,J later that evening.

Day4: Now it gets interesting. Pickup our daughter in Norfolk went to the blue house and waited for the arrival of the last 2 guests. In the evening the group drove to the so called strip. We walked the strip, bought a Hat (Southern Sweetheart) for Bram, Bought Salt water taffee, and ended up in a bar where they serve oysters. I think we got home at midnight. It was fun but very long.

Day5: The wedding day. The first thing to say is that this day was going to be the hottest day so far. The next thing is that the men were "required" to wear ties. The men got ready, the women got ready, Schildkrötenhals got ready, the justice of the peace arrived, The terrasse was cleaned, the bride (kugelfisch) got ready. The ceremony started and although a few small bluppers popped up it was a beautiful event. The bride and groom were glowing the entire time, Both families were proud and as for our family it was special to see the 4 of us together and enjoying the family as it grows.

Day6: Good bye to Kugelfisches family.

Day 7: good bye to drachenfängers family. We took our daughter to the airport in Norfolk ans set off on our real relaxing vacation. It took us to Charlottesville,VA, Bristol,VA, Asheville, NC, Rocky Mount,NC, Nags Head,NC (beautiful beach and houses to wish for, and a very relaxing 3 days that was worth every minute we were there), and then back to Virginia Beach to celebrate the 4th of Juli.

For the journey back home read the second paragraph, it was basically the same.

For those who enjoy pictures check out

The vacation is over. Both bram and I went thru a lot of emotions, especially before and during the ceremony. The thing that we did not imagine came out very slowly, but it did get on the table. Or it will be on the table in about 6 months. It will be our Number 6.

We will definitely be back there in the future, in the mean time the 3 and1/2 will do some growing together.

That's my story in a nut shell.
I did not tell you about the tears that came to me or about the times I choked with emotion, but I'm sure those who know me noticed it.

Bye for now


Sonntag, 12. Juli 2009

12. Juli 2009

Nach unserem letzen USA Besuch hatten wir uns eigentlich vorgenommen, nicht so schnell wieder dort hin zu reisen. Wie der vorangegangene Blog aber gezeigt hat, hat uns Drachenfänger mit seiner Entscheidung mit seiner neuen Familie in die USA auszuwandern, diesen Zahn gezogen. Als wir zu hören bekamen, dass eine Hochzeit zwischen Drachenfänger und Kugelfisch stattfinden sollte, wurde wiederum jenen der Zahn gezogen, dass sie diesen "Event" alleine in aller Stille zelebrieren konnten. Beide Elternparteien, sowie beide Schwestern und Freunde hatten nichts besseres zu tun als schnellstens Flüge zu buchen und ihr neues Heim zu bevölkern um DABEI zu sein. Ebenfalls dabei die 3 aus SF

Es war eine wunderschöne Hochzeit mit sehr viel Emotionen. Die Bilder davon sind in picasa zu bewundern. Es gäbe vie darüber zu berichten aber das würde den Rahmen hier sprengen. Jeder von uns wird seine eigenen Erinnerungen daran hegen und pflegen, besonders wenn wir immer mal wieder die vielen Bilder betrachten. Bri nd Bram entschieden sich, noch ein wenig herum zu reisen und einen völlig anderen Teil der USA kennen zu lernen. Auch das war schön, interessant und auch manchmal emotional. Nachfolgend aber zeigt einen Moment in Brams Erleben, den sie wohl nicht vergessen wird und zwar den


A child so full of innocents and love (just right at that moment)
representing a peaceful world that does not need a comment
showing an other generation
what is considered real elation:

if you dance a dance of the heart and hug and kiss
nothing in the world then seems amiss,
lets a Grandother melt into happiness
lets her EXCEPT the MOMENT - no more no less!

Samstag, 25. April 2009

Auswandern Umgekehrt

This story starts the end of February when Drachenfänger went to the USA to start a new job. This is the next step to start their complete new life. Our part starts in Sankt Augustin on Good Friday when Bram starts to cook. First on the menu is a noodle salad that will be packed for the trip. Next is Bram's famous ham that will accompany the salad. The next day (Saturday) it's off to the airport for our "surprise visit" to Drachenfänger's final Visit to Berlin to pick up his new family to travel to their new home. Our flight to Berlin was short and first checked into our hotel (Kempinski's), unpacked our clothes, repacked the food, and took a bus to their empty appartment. We arrived and did not see the surprised face that we expected. The following slide show will give you an idea of how the party went.

After eating and drinking we left the party to get a good nights sleep so we could get up early and catch the bus to the airport again so that we could really say good bye to them as they leave Germany as a family with QI, 2 dogs (Tischoo and Shanghai), and 2 carts full of hand baggage. Enjoy the pictures of the confusion of mob experiences at the airport.

After going thru the gate and and other controls both families closed the day with a cup of coffee and said good bye. The adventure that the 5 experienced is explained in their blog. As for the left behinds, we will all meet again in Virginia in the middle of June. The story will continue there.

See you all in the blog in July.


Donnerstag, 16. Oktober 2008


Posted by PicasaThis Stork visited us 2 times today. He stayed long enough for us to get him on film, and more or less told us to get his picture. It is definitely a sign of the good things that are moving this way. Enjoy him and thank him.

Sonntag, 21. September 2008

Midsummer Conference

After all the turmoil beginning end of July, we had our long planned trip to Hamburg. It was a very emotional 5 days for the 2 of us. There were very few Americans present, mostly Europeans. The channels dealt primarily about the acceptance, love and importance of self.
It also dealt with subjects such as not letting oneself be drawn into other peoples drama. Reminding each one of us that each human being creates its own reality, to respect others in so far that they are in their drama to DEAL WITH IT. Do not try to fix or heal the world. Globaly or in very close relationships, we have to realize that each has their own creation. As the new energy or new conciousness proceeds, we all feel the emotions of others. We have to start to differentiate what are our feelings and what are the feelings of others. I had a catharsis on that one: while this was channelled and we were asked to let other peoples fear go with a deep breath, I felt a release in the pit of my stomach which was there before the accident of my mother. But it also contained or produced fear: the thought of "you are your own creator" (this is really nothing new to either bri or bram) really puts it to the core "100% responsibility for everything that happens in your life" - freedom in every way - and for that you truly have to trust (love) yourself - and don't we all love to question our decisions, feel guilty about this or that. That only means that we did not trust in the process and what ever happened, happened in an appropriate way for further development and what we came here for: experience of life.

To integrate these "lessons" in our every day living is still in process.

We also had fun in Hamburg. Music and dancing in the evening. The men - especially the nordic ones - went wild with dancing - it was fun to watch. The music presented in the little video is from an Israeli band - they were fantastic. I especially loved the didgeredoo. The channels from Story Waters, 2 British channelers were also great. Surprised we were to find our pictures near to the end with the Dutch couple we always hung out during break to have a few puffs. We already knew them from Taos.

It was a much appreciated 5 days - and - interestingly enough, it happened to us despite the drama (people kept asking if we were going on the trip anyway) - of course we did AND without guilt feelings.


Bri here

It was again an experience. The channels said a lot to me and started a process in me that is starting to bear fruit. I can't tell exactly what it is doing, but I feel the motion and I feel better about myself. For me the interaction with people from other countries was not as intense as the other 2 conferences, but the energy did come through.

We also had the time to discover Hamburg. We took a 2 hour canal boatride on the first day. " hours of relaxation, peace and beautiful landscapes. On our last day, after most of the people had left we went to say goodbye to the "arena" and were shocked. We entered the room and nothing was left. Everything was gone. We stared into a large black hole (the energy left with the people). Our last hours in Hamburg was filled with a bus tour of the city and a last cup of coffee in our room.

In all it was a short learning vacation which will work on me for a long time and I know I will be better for the experience.


Donnerstag, 6. September 2007

12 September is the date

We are now ready for the big trip. All the odds and ends have been sown up and we are both getting excited as the days go by. We have not packed yet but know what we will put in the suitcases.

The train ride early in the morning will be the start of a very long day. Thank god that our first hotel is close by so we can relax for the start.

We both got into looking what we want to see and we will both continue to look become we have not planned to the end. There is so much to see that we will miss a lot, but we can travel there again.

I will do my best to stay calm and look before I drive so we do not lose time driving in the wrong direction, which I seem to be very good at.

We both aare looking forward to the breakfast donuts, the drive, the first stop for 2 eggs over easy and hash browns.

The celebration as we have read will be a lot of fun and will be active and inspired.
Of course will will have a lot of pictures and stories to tell.

Til we land in the states
Bye from BRI

Dienstag, 4. September 2007

Fast Life Changes

After I talked to Drachenfänger, I had to think back on our life and how it changed so drastically a few times. Hard financial times in the US. Job losses and often not knowing where the next Dollar came from. How it felt for Bri having to tell bram once more that a job was lost. The awful job at Howard Johnsons where they used bri to the brim (74 hours a week for peanuts and the insurance business (just to hold the family over water till something else occured). Finally the close of the nightshift after bri finished college. Jobs for graduates were paid so lousy that a family of 4 could not have lived from. Bram looked for jobs but the pay would just have covered the babysitter. Finally the decision to go Germany. Both found a job - good ones - but the price was high. The kids ripped out of their regular life. Trying to find a home, living with relatives for 6 months. Oh, we had help, but also for a price. Our (especially brams emotional) freedom was sharply reduced. After 10 years our marriage was on the verge of collapsing. It took us quite a few years to find our peace. 17 years ago, we made another decision. It also cut into our lifes.

But with all the big and small decisions, we always grew, changed attitude and outlook on life and - hopefully - grew more tolerant concerning our immedate and larger surroundings.

Drachenfänger, you once told me that parents are there for giving advice. Here is one from me:
Your approach to the kids: 1. Be sure in your heart that your decision was right and necessary for your own development and that you had the RIGHT to act accordingly.
2. Give them the straight facts why it didnt work and that you also had the RIGHT to reverse your decision. 3. Teach them that decisions, even if they dont always work out, dont need to be classified as mistake but are challenges in life and that without them you really dont have a life.
You are teaching them that you are responsible toward your family but they also have to learn that you have to take the same kind of responsibilty for yourself. This might help them to discover (maybe not right at this moment) that they have to take responsibilty for their own action and later life. Dont worry too much - we all survived our own parents somehow, right?
Love - Bram

Dienstag, 28. August 2007

Inner Child Sitter

Our people are finished with their vacation plans. We know we can't go with them, but we still do not know who will take care of us. We will probably go next door for the time. They know us and we know them and we think they understand us.

We are very easy to be with and the 3 of them are nice people. We will ask them ourselves just before our people leave for their vacation.

We both hope that they will miss us and bring us a nice present when they get back.

We will miss them also.

Bye for now

Sonntag, 15. Juli 2007

Development of a soul over 3 decades needing expression

Some of the poems came easy, some very painful and hard-

The poem for my 2nd grandchild, I remember, was written in an outpoor of physical sweat while the words itself came easy.

Heather and Primrose was written while watching television and the words came pouring out so I had to run for paper and pencil fast to catch them.

Especially the early 90´s were an emotionally powered time - a time where nothing seemed to be left than the analysation of my life up to this time. What a roller coaster time and my stomache hit bottom very often.

Interestingly, the expression thru poems stopped in 96. Actually I believed the healing started later -as so often in life - I did not recognize the small steps of development at the beginning.

To trust myself took still some time, to believe in me fully is still in process

Philosophie mit 17

Es kommt nie wieder die Zeit
mit ihrer Freude und ihrem Leid.
Man will immer wieder zurück sie haben,
wie in fernen vergangenen Tagen.
Doch sie schreitet fort, du bleibst nicht jung,
zurück bleibt nur die Erinnerung.
Selbst der gepriesene Reichtum, was ist er gegen die Zeit?
Ein Nichts in der tiefen, weiten Unendlichkeit!
Warum nutzen wir nicht die kostbaren Stunden?
Haben wir unsere eigene Dummheit erst Überwunden,
bedeutet uns die Zeit - die Unendlichkeit.
(Oct 61)

Gedanken an den Herbst

Geht der Sommer dem Ende entgegen,
kommt der Herbst mit seinem Erntesegen.
Doch zeigt er manchmal auch ein anderes Gesicht
wenn der Sturm mit seinen Blättern ficht.
Oft ist er jedoch auch gnädig mit ihnen,
läßt sie tanzen, läßt sie fliegen.
Mit ihren bunten, farbenfrohen Kostümen
dürfen sie sich ein letztesmal rühmen.
Langsam gleiten sie zur Erde - schweigend -
in ihrer Größe der Menschheit zeigend:
das Leben ist genossen - in vollen Zügen,
nun wollen wir nicht die Mächte rügen,
die uns stellten in des Lebens Rahmen,
uns dann aber auch das Leben wieder nahmen.
(7 Sep 63)

When you accept yourself and the other,
when you bow your head to any brother,
when you are past the petty, endless struggle may cease,
(US late 60's)

Retroperspective of our relationship

I watched two trees in the woods.
They still had to grow
vulnerable to any blow
yet not too concerned;
they had not learned
that storms could rip out their roots.
I watched two trees in the wood
Now they were standing tall
not easy to come to fall
so they thought
yet they fought
against the biggest storm, taking all that was good.
I watched two trees in the wood
they have bled
yet were not dead,
slowly building branches anew
and once again they grew
reaching to touch branches - and one day they could!
(Germany 70`s discovery)


Denken ist Macht
Macht kreiert
Kreativität schafft Veränderung
Veränderung läßt wachsen
Wachstum erlaubt Perspektive
Perspektive lehrt Toleranz
Toleranz dehnt sich aus
Ausdehnung erfordert Freiraum
Freiraum hat Platz für alle Erkenntnisse
Erkenntnisse weisen Richtungen
Richtungen folgen immer erste Schritte
Erste Schritte drängen zum Fortschreiten
Fortschritt öffnet Augen, Ohren und alle anderen Sinne
Öffnung erwartet Mut zum akzeptieren
Akzeptanz des Alles-Was-Ist ergibt Erfüllung
Erfüllung ist warum ICH BIN
(29 Aug 90)

Das Leid ward nicht für uns geschaffen!
Man zieht sich's an und wie es scheint,
sucht's aus mit immer neuen Waffen
und ist nicht glücklich bis man weint
(26 Jan 91)

Gedanken zum 1. Geburtstag von Valerie-Charlott

Wissen sollst Du - um das Gute
im Universum - Dies Deine Route
für Dein Leben - wie es vor Dir liegt
als ganzes Spektrum - es wiegt
so schwer wie leicht - je nach Glaubenshaltung
wirds Dich prägen - in Gestaltung
des Allwissens - hast Du gewählt
im Heute zu leben - dies Wissen nun zählt
bei Deinen künftigen Taten - Kreativität
ausüben im Hier und Jetzt - Spüren, man sät
um später zu ernten - Trau Deiner Spur
die Du selbst gezogen - Besinn Dich nur
an die Urwahrheit:
Gewinnen sollen alle Seelen - mit dem Segen
der Freiheit des Gestaltens, den Gott uns allen mitgegeben
Er ist mit uns jederzeit!
(23 Jan 92)

Heather and Primrose
Fall and Spring
bring change of living
into every wing
Heather says: lay down - let go, release
Primrose lets you start anew - in peace
As nature shows us every year
neither fall nor spring is anything to fear
Time for quiet and time to rejoyce
is a cycle of living, not of choice
If we don't abide by these cosmic rules,
soon we are stripped of our most powerful tools
We are here now to learn to use what we already know
from other lives where we sat in an entirely different row
Lets never fall into pits of utter despair
mold the world carefully - and lets be aware:
There's great abundance of love - within and around -
don't nurse old hurts and don't let them haunt
So take your Heather - be still, listen and hear,
then Primrose will help you to carry out new thoughts
April 93

Looking out of the Window

The tree
I see
in front of me
every day
can feel it sway
as if it wants to say:
I am tall -
equally small
yet could never fall
into pits
- as humans do -
having fits
of utter despair and rue
Mai 93

Was soll der Mist (und eine Antwort)!

Hickhack der Seele -
Rauf und Runter -
Bitten, daß mir an nichts fehle
möcht alles um mich nur gesund und munter
- weiter nichts, weiter nichts -
Könnte doch alles harmonisch und friedvoll sein,
schlichen sich nur nicht immer wieder alte Ängste ein.
Sicher war ich, gestern waren sie doch völlig gebannt -
heute türmen sie sich wieder - hatte ihre Macht verkannt!
Warum? Ich weiß, daß ich nur mit Liebe, Humor und Freude
bei mir und anderen innere Harmonie erzeuge!
Ach, all Ihr kosmischen Überwesen
rüttelt mal kräftig an meiner geistigen Türe
hab' so viel schon über Euch gehört und gelesen
's wäre Zeit, daß ich Euch endlich persönlich erführe!!!!:

- Bleib heiter, nichts weiter -
17 Juni 93

Ein Gebet für Kevin und mich

Mutig geh' ich meinen Weg
türmen sich auch manchmal die Wogen
so finde ich doch den Steg
der mich führt unter meinen Bogen
der Geborgenheit
10 Jul 93

GESCHRIEBEN aus mir heraus
GEMEINT sind wir alle
GEWIDMET meiner - in diesem Leben - Tochter Claudia

Ablassen vom Glauben an das sündige Selbst
Der Glaube an das Leiden
beschert uns meist den Fakt!
Wollen wir dieses vermeiden,
möchten wir FAKTISCH aus diesem Trakt,
laß uns diesen Glauben ad acta legen,
die Arbeit TUN und eine neue Struktur aufbauen;
kramen in Möglichkeiten nach neuen Wegen,
manchmal nur die Oberfläche anrauen;
loslösen von überholten Abmachungen, die wir einst trafen;
Perspektiven ERSCHAFFEN, in denen wir uns nicht strafen.
Dies trifft uns oftmals als verschwommene Ahnung -
sie zu erhellen, zu greifen, fällt uns nicht leicht,
laß uns trotzdem nicht aufgeben, die Fahndung
und laß uns uns selbst ein- und zugestehn: ES REICHT!
Wir KÖNNEN unser Hier und Jetzt auch positiv gestalten,
spüren: das positive Erleben KANN die Psyche expandieren!
Laß die Kreativität FÜR die Freude im Leben walten,
wir MÜSSEN nicht das Negative stimulieren
Laß uns
nicht weiter von unserem Ursprungs-/Wesenskern entfernen,
dafür mit der Liebe zum Selbst neue Wege gehen lernen!
nie mehr das Gefühl des Getrenntsein erleben,
dafür schöpferisch an einem ganz neuen Gedankengut weben!
erkennen, daß wir Teil des unermeßlich Göttlichen sind!
Eins-Sein mit jeglicher Kreatur, Blume, Fels und dem Wind!
10 Jan 94

Astrologie, Numerologie, das Kartenlegen
Eine Sucht
Man sucht
die Antwort nach Lebenszielen und neuen Wegen:
Wer bin ich, was bin ich, wie soll ich mich nun verhalten?
Wie kann ich mein Leben am besten gestalten?
Bin ich gut genug für ihn, für sie, für die Welt?
Bin ich ein Trottel, bin ich ein Held?
Hab´ich gelernt? Endlich eine Falle vermieden?
Trapps ich in die nächste oder ist mir das Klassenziel

Es ist wie verhext
Macht nix
Das Leben leben, ganz agil - denn der Weg ist das Ziel!!
Sommer 94

Ich bin, dass ich bin, hab´ die Freiheit mein Leben selbst zu gestalten
zu meinem Fortschritt gehört das Loslassen, nicht das Festhalten
Die Philosophie gefiel mir schon immer und im Grunde bin seit langem bereit
läg´ da nicht so vieles im Argen, wär´ nicht so kompliziert - ich brauch einfach mehr Zeit
Ach ich mag nicht wie ich so manches mal denke
mit Uralt-Mustern in die gleiche Schiene lenke
wie ich etwas tue, sage, mich anderen Leuten gegenüber gebe
in einer Ecke des Herzens alten Schmerz so richtig schön pflege
Warum fällt das Loslassen von Altem, Verbrauchtem nur so schwer
warum die blöde Entschuldigung: Alternativen müßten her
die nämlich sind da in Hülle und Fülle
nur Platz müßt ich schaffen, entsorgen die olle Gülle
(März 96)